Choir Joy’s?

I wrote this down a while and I found it again, so I decided to post it with some adjustments.
If you love singing as much as I do, you most likely have already joined a choir or music group or something.
Now if you aren’t in any of the groups mentioned above you need to join one, even if it’s only for fun.
In every school I’ve been in since Year 8 (JSS 2) I have been in the choir. And I have to tell you, if your choir is filled with amazing talent, the feeling of being in the midst is profound.
I, once in a while, just keep quiet and listen to everybody else, and it is honestly like being in heaven.
All the voices just blend to make beautiful music.
I personally love listening to cello compositions, and being in the midst of all of these people, gives me a feeling of happiness that I’ve had only on occasion outside such a setting.
For example, I’ve found that I can’t be truly sad when listening to strings. It’s the same with when I’m rehearsing or ministering with my choir.
I might become wistful, which my dictionary defines as thoughtful sadness, but never truly sad.
But this is no longer the case, of recent I’ve been actually sad and depressed, not just thoughtfully so. It is so annoying, because this used to be my sanctum, my place of peace and some tranquillity. But that illusion has been shattered by my annoying episodes of depression, what is really pissing me off is that I don’t know what causes these episodes, I just discover that I can’t enjoy what I used to love.
So today we have put on a brave face to see if I can begin to enjoy music again.



Intimacy is a four syllable word for here are my heart and soul please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy. It’s both desire and fear.
I wish there were a rule book for intimacy, some kind of a guide that could tell you when you’ve crossed the line.
It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don’t know how you’d fit it on a map.
You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define yourself.
Meredith Grey – Grey’s Anatomy S01E4

Blog posts

Someone told me that my posts seem incomplete, as if I was driving to a point and I suddenly broke down.
And to some people it may seem that way I just want to say that I write what I think, and how I feel when I’m writing influences how and what I write. I don’t aim to teach, instruct, advice or lecture, I just hope that anyone reading gets something relevant to them from whatever I write.


This is not talking about clinical depression which is a recognised illness, but about that sudden fleeting but sometimes prolonged feeling of unexplained sadness, when some people say they are feeling ‘down’.
Of recent these episodes have been occurring more frequently and today’s episode is the longest and weirdest.
Weird, not in the fact that I don’t know exactly why I’m feeling this way (I never know the reason), but because the usual remedy which is singing did not work.
I decided to confide in my friends, when one of them told me to basically just slap a smile on my face and move on, that if I want to be happy I’ll be happy. And although I disagree I didn’t argue, because everybody has there own way of dealing with it.
But what I’m thinking is that just because you have a way of dealing with your episodes doesn’t mean you should just dismiss another person’s feelings.
In my current situation, guys sharing feelings is seen as feminine and gay, and I don’t know how to avoid it. I’m personally a very emotional person (I mean I cried to all three Kung Of Pandas) and I experience all the extremes of emotion, but when I go through my episodes, it’s brutal. I begin to question everything about myself.
Today I had a conversation with my dad and he was dismissive as usual, but he said something that really hurt (shockingly it was expected, but it still hurt), I was talking about my upcoming birthday and how I should celebrate it and he just broke in saying “are you where you’re supposed to be”, (some people might take it as him pushing me, but those people didn’t hear his tone, in retrospect it seemed filled with something akin to malice) and he hung up.
I spoke to my friend X from my previous post blind talent, and he suggested that maybe this was the cause of my episode, and although I do admit it was on my mind, I don’t think it is the reason, but I’m not a psychologist, so we’ll probably never know.