Depression

This is not talking about clinical depression which is a recognised illness, but about that sudden fleeting but sometimes prolonged feeling of unexplained sadness, when some people say they are feeling ‘down’.
Of recent these episodes have been occurring more frequently and today’s episode is the longest and weirdest.
Weird, not in the fact that I don’t know exactly why I’m feeling this way (I never know the reason), but because the usual remedy which is singing did not work.
I decided to confide in my friends, when one of them told me to basically just slap a smile on my face and move on, that if I want to be happy I’ll be happy. And although I disagree I didn’t argue, because everybody has there own way of dealing with it.
But what I’m thinking is that just because you have a way of dealing with your episodes doesn’t mean you should just dismiss another person’s feelings.
In my current situation, guys sharing feelings is seen as feminine and gay, and I don’t know how to avoid it. I’m personally a very emotional person (I mean I cried to all three Kung Of Pandas) and I experience all the extremes of emotion, but when I go through my episodes, it’s brutal. I begin to question everything about myself.
Today I had a conversation with my dad and he was dismissive as usual, but he said something that really hurt (shockingly it was expected, but it still hurt), I was talking about my upcoming birthday and how I should celebrate it and he just broke in saying “are you where you’re supposed to be”, (some people might take it as him pushing me, but those people didn’t hear his tone, in retrospect it seemed filled with something akin to malice) and he hung up.
I spoke to my friend X from my previous post blind talent, and he suggested that maybe this was the cause of my episode, and although I do admit it was on my mind, I don’t think it is the reason, but I’m not a psychologist, so we’ll probably never know.

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2 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Pingback: Choir Joy’s? | davidsorbet

  2. Pingback: #AtoZChallenge – D is for Depression and Doubt | davidsorbet

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